Flirting is bad for you !!

Me : hii hw r u tarot didi ! u dont knw how much i missed you for 2 days !!
Sandeep : I dont like pyaar karnewala and flirt karne wala log...
Vicky : paresh... Didi ko miss karna achhi baat hai.. phoolon ka taaron ka gana ga na.. situational hoga :D
Me : same feelings here, i hate flirts, bt if i do it, its ok !!!
Tarot girl : paresh aa gaya! m going! huh
Vicky : meethi tera bhai hai paresh.. aisa mat kar.. lol
Vedant : kisi ke pass machis hai kya ???
Me : mere paas lighter hai par usme gas khatam ho gaya hai :P
Vedant : paresh lighter ko aag lagaek cigi de !
Bhavin : mere paas tili hai par maa-chis nahi ...
Vicky : Petrol hai .. doon kyaa ??
Me : mere paas petrol hai par wo to scooter ki tank me hai, kaise nikalu
Amit : Petrol tank mein paani daal de....Petrol oopar aa jaayega.... nikaal lena.....
Me : mere paas paani nahi hai aur pata hai, paani daalne k liye 6 floor utarkar parking me jaana padta hai aur scooter ki chabi bhi nahi mil rahi tank kholne ko... lol
Amit : Tu apanaa email Id de.. main tujhe petrol mail ka r detaa hoon...
Vicky : JAi BHOLE SHANKAR...PADOSIYON KO TANG KARRR..........
Me : mere pados k dono flats khali hai aur usme koi rehta bhi nahi ha
(the room is silent for 2-3 minutes, and i have to break it... )
Me : Aur abhi abhi office me mere baaju baithne wale uncle bhi kahin chale gaye i hope susu karne gaye ho aur jaldi wapis aa jaye :(
Nakul : (to tarot girl) Hey.. Just wondering abt ur DP.. U trying to show-off ur Eyes (beautiful), nail-polish(Rangeen) or the Engagement Ring !
Tarot girl : lol vikas dats nt engagement ring! dats planetary ring! n thx for nail paint and eyes compliment!btw m nt tryin to show nythin! dats jus i love some of ma pics n so dey r in my display !
Me : wo apni baalo ki ek lat jo baaki baalo se alag ho kar dukhi hai uski vedna sabko dikhana chahthi hai :P
Tarot girl : paresh ! tere gandi nazron ke kaaran me ab display lagana bhi chor dungi!
Me : what do u mean ? tumne kitne din se baal me shampoo nahi kiya !!
Tarot girl : paresh... wo baal bhi nakli hai!
Me : haaye raam, maine to aaj sapne me tumhe dekhne ka bhi planning kar liya tha, ab kya tumhara ganja sir dikhega sapne me !
Tarot girl : my name is meethi ! m missing sandeep! mummyyyyy! abe paresh tu ganja! m nt ganji be!
Me : be clear, r u missing sandeep or mummy ?? if u r missing mummy, i cant do anthng and if u r missing sandeep,thn also i cant do anthng !!
Tarot girl : paresh cuz ur good for nuthin! u cant do anything! huh huh huh!@ vikas! yep dat means sweeti! sandeep is my latest pj community ka crush!
Me : *heart break*
ab main koi nayii tarot wali search karne jaa raha hu alvida tarot didi :(
Nakul : paresh..abey itni jaldi haar maan gaya ??
Vicky : use jane do yaar! paresh bhaiyan bye! bhabhi jaldi dhund kar lena!
Me : haa yaar, jaise jeet kar wo muje french kiss denewali thi shaam ko...lol
Tarot girl : paresh! i puke! aise high fi sapne dekhna chor do!
Me : hifi sapne ??abhi to main tumhare sapne dekh raha tha !!
ashish : sarakti jaaye hai...rukh se naqaab aahistaa aahista..nikalta jaa raha hai aaftaab...aahistaa aahistaa
Me : mera temper jaata dekh kar ashish hamesha khush hota hai :x

Chat room drama continues..

This is tough. But as I needed to start this post with a bang, my only choice was to begin with ashish's speech !
ashish : thank u..thank u for making me indian idol..i realy thank my stars, the yaars and the kalaakarz...and all the support staff who worked hard for me..and not to forget Prabhu Deva for making me dance on the wet floor...he tried hard but then it was decided to dry it later on to aviod retakes...
*sob* *sob*
deepak : bass kar abey.. ab rulayega kya...
atul : Ab bhi jiska khoon na khaula, khoon nahi wo paani hai...Jo desh ke kaam na aaye, wo bekaar jawani hai !!
Me : wo juari kya jiska jigar na ho,wo ladki kya jiska figure na ho !!
ashish : hain na...bolo bolo !
Me : aaj meri neend thodi der se khuli, precisely 35 minutes later than usual, matlab main apni swapna srishti me aaj thodi jyada der tak vihar kar saka, thik hai, achha hai, sapne dekhna, baad me main wahan se nikal kar tooth-brush etc. karke chai pine gali k bahar gaya aur maine ek cigarrette k saath chai pi. Saath me bread butter hota to achha tha, lekin raste par khade reh kar bread ko chai me dubo kar khana samaj sweekar nahi karega ye sochkar maine ghar aakar brown bread k saath tomato sauce (Chilli flavour wala) kha kar mann ko manaya !!
Me : jaane kahan gaye wo log.....kahan ho sab ??
ashish : main hoon re paresh...tu tension na le...pension le...
Me : pension to main pichhle kitne saalo se le raha hu, ab wait kar raha hu ki kaam kab chalu karunga aur baad me college me admission bhi to lena hai :D
ashish : tu toh Shirt Button ka curious case hai re....
Me : ashish...tune to mere subconscious mind ki baat cheen li !!!

(So now Ashish seems to be lost in subconscious mind and its intriguing matters, there's silence for few minutes..
then enters my chat room crush !! )

tarot girl : hi all!
Me : how are u beautiful :) main dekh raha hu "hmmmm" bolte waqt tumhare hotho ki movement kya manbhabvan hai :P
Tarot girl : mujhe pareshan kyu karta hai paresh !
Me : mujse dosti kyu nahi karti tarot girl ? main tumhari fees dunga bhale hi 1-2 saal lage installments me dene me :D
tarot girl : paresh.. kyunki mujhe tumse dosti nahi kerni isliye nahi kerti! tum azeeb si bateein kerte ho! pakau bateein nahi pathetic bateein kerte ho!

......(meanwhile ashish readjusts his mind and comes back with his brain-retarding stuff...)

ashish : aaj bade bade assays likhne ka mood nai hai...lekin fir bhi theek hai..chaai mein din mein 5-6 baar toh pi hi leta hoon..kabhi cutting...kabhi ghar ki chaai...toh kabhi dip dip chaai..teeno mein ajeeb similarities hai....sab coffee ki tarah nahi taste karte...variety is the spice of life u see...spice se yaad aaya ki kabhi kabhi ghar par elaichi bhi daalte hai chaai mein..achchi lagti hai fir...aur naankataai ke baarein mein aap sab log jaan hi chuke hain..theek hi hai lekin..ab kar bhi kya sakte hai...chaai toh chaai hai...koi Glucon-D to nahi...orange flavour waali :D
some guy called Deepak : ab chehra hatho se na chhupaiye...no marks lagaiye
tarot girl : deepak... maine no mark lagaya tabse chehra chupana perta hai!
side effect ho gaya!

funny conversations from a chat room..

All the characters in the following chat room drama are Real and yet I am fully responsible for all the laughs generated on reading it !

Some girl : aapki aawaaz is very sweet,,flirt saala.
Me : flirt hai ya saala ? be clear ! by the way you look pretty in this pic :P
the same girl : woh usme saari buraiyan koot kootke bhari hai woh ! By the way thanku (blush) !
Me : ab muje sharm aa rahi hai,tum gussa kyu nai hui :o

(She suddenly disappers from the chat room,
now after some 20 minutes....)

a lady (calls herself tarot girl) : m back!
Me : hii sweetheart :)
the lady : lol m nt sweetheart paresh! btw hi!
Me : ok, hw ru beautiful :)
Me : (to tarot wali madam) sadly its my time for sutta (smoking) now, tough to leave you :(
Ashish ( a guy who enjoys his outburst of absurd PJs ) : ab main chaai praashan karke aaya..tapri waali..office se achchi toh waha milti hai..aaj fir se usne naankataai ke badle tandoori naan kaat ke di..lekin aaj mera mood achcha hai...mazaak mein le liya maine...mera dil bhi bohot bada hai..3 chaai ke liye 500 ki note chhute karne pade...haaye..cheque/debit card/credit card nahi chalta na waha..baahar ka mausam bhi bada suhaawna hai..office ate hue raaste mein maine gaandul dekha..apni kai saari tango pe kamar matkaaye chal rahi tha....aur ek do gogal gaai(snail) bhi dikhe...bade waale..ab chaai peeke waapas aa gaya kaam karne..ab thoda freshh lag raha hai..ate hue ek dost bhi mili...hi hello, kaise ho ppochke ab desk par baith gaya..ahaaa...ab thoda kaam kar loon...
some guy : what does this ashish guy..keeps posting after regular interval...!!!!!!
a boy : ( calls himself brother tommy !!) : hi all . terot wali..tumhe nahin...
tarot girl : brother tommy tu mere naal panga na le! fir me bolti hu to tu bolta hai ki me bolti hu!
Me : lo main fir se aa gaya..hii terot girl :) not to others :D
tarot girl : paresh its tarot not terot for god sake ek baar to sahi type ker do paresh bhaiyan!
Me : its "saiyan" not bhayia,vaise mera dhyan tumhare bhagne se pehle jaldi se type karne me rehta hai :P
the first girl : arre pares bhai...gussa ho gaya kya?
Me : paresh is fine, gussa to bhai ko aaya hai lol
Me : (tarot lady se ) tumhara naam kya hai tarot wali madam ?
tarot girl : paresh ! cdsdcsdlvsdlvkmsdlvsdmkv !!!
first girl (she's come back) : pares...jao...jake flirt log ke line me jaake khade ho jao !
Me (to tarot girl) : naam to interesting hai par main har baar pura nahi bol sakunga, dont mind :)
Moderator of the community (jumps into the picture, don't know who alerted him of some valuable guests in his community's chat room) : aaj maine3 thread delete kiyemujhe bad dua mat dena dosto !
some guy : Tu SHRIMAD BHAGWAT GEETA padh mere dost...
"Na koyi likhtaa hai...
Na koyi delete kartaa hai..
Ye to sadaa se yahien thaa aur hameshha yahien rahegaa...
Tu to bus apane MODERATOR Kartwaya kaa paalan kar raha hai..."
Me : (to tarot girl ) bored ? to ek kaam karo, meri ek banyan last week se nahi mil rahi wo kis kone me padi hogi wo tarot se search karvao na :P
tarot girl : paresh my name is meethi mitali meet! meethi bulana par!
Me : meethe se muje problem hai, i prefer "sweetie" :P
Ashish : (suddenly comeing out of hiatus ) i'll keep this one short...abhi abhi mujhe mera naya id card mila..poorana waala itna poorana hua tha ki usmein mera chehra hi nazar nahi aa raha..pata hi nahi chalta ki woh main hoon..kuch din pehle hi photo session organize kiya tha...waha 1 hi pose mein photo nikale...achcha aayaa..kabhi kabhi aa jaate hai achche...fluk se..ab mein bohot khush hoon....security guard bhi khush hai..kyu ki now he can identify me with my id card..
tarot girl : sabse badi me hu! i am 24 years old! aajse sab mujhe didi bolna! aunty nahi par, plz !
Me : o tarot girl, i know there's nothing in a name, still why you call me "paresha" ?
tarot girl : main tumhara naam Sanskrit me bol rahi hu :D
Me : ohh how sexy, so you like playing with my name, i just wait when you'll play with my other things :P
tarot girl : Paresh........so you like playing with my name, i just wait when you'll play with my other things :P paresh dats gross!
Me : (to tarot girl ) sorry if u r hurt and thanks for reposting my lines :D

(bhavin enters the room, famous for his outrageous jokes)

tarot girl : mera beta bhavin is here!
now plz maintain the decency! maa da ladla kahi bigad na jaye!
Me : aaj maine ek ladki ka sharmata hua chehra dekh kar pehli baar, mind well, life me pehli baar 7 lines ki kavita likhi. lekin jab us kavita ko apne blog me publish karne gaya to pata chala wo sharma nahi rahi thi par sutta laga rahi thi..ab main same kavita ko edit karke Quit smoking abhiyaan walo ko bhej raha hu lol

my historic routine and the future of india !

Note : Whatever is written below is strictly for adults and the writer takes no responsibility for any mental damage to persons reading the post completely with interest using their left mind ! (just try to avoid this note and read on !)

Title and Note were written yesterday and now have got the time to write the post actually and that too in not so good mood so dont expect much, this is just about the boring routine i have gone through in last 2 years or more. I constantly keep thinking that i have to do something to change this time-pass routine and do something so that i dont feel frustrated in every evening thinking how badly i passed my day. But whenever i make up my mind to move ahead in that direction, something or the other occurs such that i just get lost and go back to the same old practice - sleeping in the fucking office and then sulking about it at home.

How the day starts ?
With the wish of sleeping more and getting actual sleep ! Anyway i leave the bed somehow and start searching for a cigarrette and find none, just because i dont keep stock of them to smoke less. That means now i have to wear more cloths and go out to arrange for tea and cigarrettes ! Having this urge to smoke is in a way quite relieving for me actually, because in the past i used to get up with so much frustration thinking about my career and hence future !! So i go out (dont worry just outside the colony gate there's a shop for milk so i m not going too far) and on my way i see children going to school but Mostly i get tense when i see some people hurrying to go somewhere so early in the morning, dont know why but its some kind of hunch to take note of this rush in the early morning. I see dogs out with their owner but many times it seems like the dog is taking the owner for an outing !

What to do till its Office time ?
Nothing actually, so i make 3 to 4 cups of tea and read the newspaper aloud to myself simultaneously listening fm radio ! Those 3 cups of tea are to be taken at 20 to 30 minutes interval so that i stay engaged for about 2 hours at least.

India goes to work at 10.
ha ha ha.. fine, its only me going on my scooter to the usual 4 km route to my (so called) office and not like the title which suggests that i m carrying crores of working class indians with me !
That's a horrific imagination to carry those many people and move around with them throught the day and going home in the evening too lonely ! On the way i see some hot girls going somewhere, i wonder why they always move so speedy, anyway someday i will discover it and maybe catch up with them too ! So after about 10 minutes drive i am here at my (so called) office where i am supposed to do work. Now enters the (so called) bosses who keep giving me rubbish work just to engage me and more importantly my thoughts ! In short i just pass my time, for some i am enjoying my stay in the office, for remaining i am just passing my time, but no one will admit that i was on duty all the time, so i never expect rewards of my Work !