Online consultation with a so-called psychologist

Few months ago i happend to chat with a woman psychologist (or so she calls herself on a social networking site) and as usual invited her to help me with my psychological problems !

21st August, 2009

me: hi sweety
kalpana: listen. behave ok?
so u r paresh 29 yrs old
me: sowie :)
kalpana: living alone? its ok
me: yes m too lonely
kalpana: whr is ur home town n ur parents live?
me: baroda
kalpana: u in mumbai?
me: no ahmedabad
kalpana: not very far away....how many siblings?
me: 2 bro
kalpana: u r youngest ?
me: eldest
kalpana: hmmmmmmmmmmmmm y r u lonely
u have frnds on orkut
me: no, only colleagues
thts virtual :(
kalpana: ya but that IS
kitne din hue ahmdabad me?
me: 3 saal
where do u live ? with whom ?
kalpana: we r not talking about me......
BTW i live wid my husband
so in 3 yrs u didnt make any frnd?
me: thts the prob, i cnat socialize :(
kalpana: since childhood?
me: not so. its tougher after i entered college
kalpana: y? u felt u dont belong there ? or u felt ppl dont like u? or.......???
me: i think its inferiority, m frm middle class :)
kalpana: so most of us r? college me aise bhi student honge jo scholarship se padh rahe honge
me: u mean i shud hv found smone like me ?
kalpana: do u think economic status is so important in life?
for u wht r ur preorities?
me: i dont
kalpana: money money n money?
me: especially after i hv been earning 20000 pm :D
kalpana: so now u hav it then y u cant socialize?
wht r ur inhibitions?
me: :(
kalpana: wht keeps u away frm ppl ? do u think thy wil ridicule u? make fun of u? or do u think they r not ur type?
me: i think i dont shy frm talking
kalpana: then?
me: its bout making RELATIONs. all relations are professional only :(
kalpana: wht do u do whn u r free? orkuting?
ever tried to go out or mix with someone?
me: orkuting lOL
dont mind bt i think of sex when i m free :P
kalpana: thats natural....u r 29 n hormones r raging...but with ur arrogance n pretence i dont think u'll be able to hav good interpersonal relationship
me: m not arrogant bt completely opposite
kalpana: if sex is overwhelming ur thoughts........then u must see someone who can teach u relaxation n way to ventout. but u pretend........u never show u r humble
me: lol actually i pretend tht i m humble :P
in real life, ok ?
kalpana: ok then?
me: actually m nt pretending bt my insecurity makes me so. so now u knw almost every thing :)
kalpana: insecurity about wht ? financial, emotional, physical?
me: everything. most imp financial
financial is most imp
kalpana: but u r secure now? any problem thr?
me: yeah
kalpana: so try for another job..........whts ur education?
me: bt my academics r bed :( private firms dont accept me
kalpana: lots of vaccancies thr
oh u can always apply na, dont worry
me: yes there's other angle to this too. i feel like i am tied smhow and i cant escape those ppl and environment ever :(
kalpana: oh thats pur neurotic tendency
we all have this feeling
me: see here i m orkuting and chatting all day
kalpana: just try to think about positive things related to that OTHER environment
me: no wrk or minimum work. bt if i remain absent without notice, they go mad lol
kalpana: thats true in every job
but u really try without thinking about ur bad academic record
me: boss :( after 2 pm
kalpana: its not the prediction of success
ok see ya later

24th August, 2009

me: hii ma'm hw r u ?
kalpana: iam fine but very tired beta.........how r u?
me: i love to hear "beta" lol
kalpana: i lov to cal u beta, u r most welcome
me: thts great
kalpana: seems so
me: so u r tired, dont want to chat ?
kalpana: ya wake up at 5.30 n returned home at just 2 pm
me: wht s ur profession ?
kalpana: its not like that, iam a consultant clinical psychologist in a hospital
me: to mera prob samajh me aaya ? solution ?
kalpana: hahahhah koi aise problem nahi hai ok?
me: i knw doc ki jarurat wali nahi, fir bhi kuchh to hai
kalpana: nahi u need a cunsultation. some cognitive restructuring. but its easily modifiable n if u really want to change ur behavior n the issues related to it i have to go back to ur initial life, to ur irrational thoughts n all that
me: nthng much into it. typical middle class mentality
kalpana: nahi
me: pressure to get education and start earning fast
kalpana: ham sab middle class hain, sirf tata birla ambani upper class hain. my kids r also facing these pressure. it motivates u if u take it positively. they want to earn cos they want to b independent. they want to share responsibilities of their fathr. its not making them rude, angry, detached, apathetic

3 minutes later

kalpana: seems u r busy
c ya later then
me: little. everyone has responsibilities
kalpana: koi baat nahi
me: bt my prob is i cant take it out of my mind. once i finish my duty i cant unwind
kalpana: jab free hoge baaat karenge ...will continue it
me: u shud forget every thng for sm period of the day at least :(
kalpana: yes u shud learn to relax. its easy but u have to practice it regularly n then in a week u can relax. but then u have to vent out....WHT IS BOTHERING U TODAY
me: confusion bothers the most. i can tackle any situation bt if i dont understand whats exactly happening i get mad :(
kalpana: kis baat ka confusion?
me: identity crisis
kalpana: wht identity ? ambitions?
hey paresh sorry got to go, hubby is waiting for lunch. sham ko milte hain yahoo per, scrap me whn u r thr. i will chek
ok bbyee take care

27th August, 2009

kalpana: hiiiiiiiiiiiii bahut der se ho..... i saw u abhi
me: sowiie :)
kalpana: oh its nothing
me: subah aake boss ne daant diya tha
kalpana: hota hai how r u today?
me: to bhool gaya sab lol
fine. see mine is nt so serious case :D
kalpana: ok
me: u wrk at appolo ?
kalpana: who told u so?
me: aakash vani hui thi aaj subah 5 baje Lol
kalpana: i know
iam not dumb...u know?
me: no
kalpana: ok
me: aaj pata chala, thnks for info :)
kalpana: ab tell me wht attitude u r talkin about
me: ok so i cant focus on one thing, one day i am thinking to get married soon, the other day i think of my career etc
kalpana: u hav to make a priority list
me: sab ready hai plan to
kalpana: wht things r important in ur life
me: peace is most important. its too much of tense life for past 10 yrs, m fed up :(
kalpana: agar ready hai to kyun soch rahe ho. life is not tense, u r tense
me: i keep hearing everybody's complain :(
kalpana: like who? n wht complain?
me: nthng concrete
kalpana: can u gimme an example?
me: thts tough
kalpana: u have to
me: hw can i say bout ppl who dont even knw me :( thts wy i feel i m stupid :D
kalpana: if u dont know them......y they r so important to u that wht they say ,,,upsets u so much
me: their talks r related to my life thts wy i hv to pay attention :)
kalpana: do u feel they r spying on u? they r colleagues?
me: no doubt at all. they r spiying
kalpana: ur colleagues?
have u changed ur job recently?
paresh immediatly go to a doc..a pschologist or psychiatrist
wht i am doing can exacerbate ur problems
me: i hv chnged my city, i want to get rid of my it
kalpana: y u want to leave ur family?
me: coz they give pain, responsibility :)
kalpana: paresh listen to me, pls go to a doc. its important
jo bhi ham kahenge wo aapki anxiety badha sakta hai. the probing questions, aur then who will take care of ur anxiety ?
u need somoene to teach u how o cope with ur problems, i cant do that online
u need reasoning...unconditional regard n understanding with support. u dont hav any. i cant provide it online, ur therapist can provide it to u
me: sharm aati hai doc k paas jane me :)
kalpana: y? aur is tarah takleef bardasht karne me aur dukh jhelne me sharm nahi aati? u r not abnormal........just stressed. pls go n see a doc
sab log jate hain, call someone....fix an appointment n go
only first time is tough then no problem
me: bt i m absolutely ok. why cant ppl stop bothering me :(
kalpana: ok u r ok. fir jane me kya problem hai?
wo kah dega ok ho fir ghar aa jana
me: jane ka matlab i need treatment
kalpana: u cant change a single person in this world, u can only change ur self. n if ppl bothering u...its ur problem not thrs. if u r ok u dont need it......koi jabardasti thode hi baitha lega tumhe
me: its getting tougher, nobody's helping me
kalpana: nahi aisa nahi hai. i want to help u but this cant be done online, thats y iam askin u to go to a therapist. only a professional can help u. other will make a fool of u
u can also call n enquire by fake name..........in big hospitals n clinics
me: i fear this is real prob not mental :D
kalpana: paresh itna kyun sochte ho, just decide karo aur problem khatam. agar tum nahi decide kar sakte let me do it for u. i wont harm u na?
me: :)
kalpana: jyada se jyada ek baar ki fees jayegi n if u feel its good or ur therapist feels u need help...u can continue ok?
me: ok i ll try :)
if my ego permits :)
kalpana: no u shall do it not try n u will tel me u did it, ok?
its my order, do it for me, iam ur frnd na? bas ye soch lo mere per ek ahsan kar rahe ho. u r doing it for my khushi. itna to kar sakte ho na? for an old lady
me: i can :)
kalpana: then its decided? promise?
me: i cant bt i ll try my best :)
kalpana: hav faith in me pls
me: its diff to tell such things online
kalpana: or i will nag u constently
me: bt to tell weird prob personally
kalpana: iam very nagging
me: isnt tht funny ?
kalpana: noooooooooooooooooo believe me
me: i see that :D
kalpana: no its not funny, ye unka profession hai na
me: muje sharm bahut aati hai
kalpana: u r just a patient for them
dont b so selfconcious, mat sharmao
me: ok ok m feeling hungry nw
kalpana: aur ab jana hai hamko...........
me: take rest plz
kalpana: ok
me: i hv bothered you too much :)
kalpana: bbye cya take care
me: you too
kalpana: not at all, happy to help u bbye
me: see ya :)